Saturday, March 21, 2009

I'm so cited to be home!

That's what Peyton said yesterday morning as we started out the day!  We are home again, and actually have been home for a couple days.  I have not found the time to sit down and update this blog although I have updated it at least a couple dozen times in my mind.  I have had so many things to tell you all about - now if only I could remember all those things.

Peyton was discharged a bit ago with the statement from one of the top surgeons at the ACH, "I am not sure why this is happening.  It's very unusual to have this many complications in this time frame after an appendix rupture.  Go home and if he has tummy cramps for more than 4 - 6 hours (along with a couple other conditions) bring him back in and we will decide how to intervene at that point. ...  I don't know how long this will continue."  Oh boy.  Well, it's a good thing he said 4 - 6 hours - I think Peyton's body heard that and is responding accordingly.  He has had at least 2 incidents a day of what I am calling contractions for every day since hislast  discharge, but the longest incident came in just under the cut off time!  That means he looks like a woman having contractions in some stage of labor (depending on the incident) for anywhere from 1/2 hour up to 5 1/2 hours.  Can we get an easy button or an off switch please (or maybe an epidural)?  He is toughing it out so well.  I imagine if it was happening to me I might add all the incidents up and each time it occurred it might hurt more because of the emotional strain adding up.  For him, it seems he starts over with each experience.  He also tries to say it doesn't hurt alot of the time, but he's not very convincing - he will be cramping and trying to say it doesn't hurt while walking hunched over and heading for the couch to lay down.  I am glad he's still transparent, but even more, I wish I could make it better!

God continues to bless our family in the midst of each trial.  I missed Drew alot this week and have determined that though the sadness was overwhelming at the beginning, the longing that grows and grows with each additional day of separation becomes much more intense as time goes on.  My faith is so shallow some days and on those days strangely, Drew feels so much farther away.  It's at the end of one of those days that I am often reminded that my frailty allows God's strength to pervade.  I am so thankful for God's presence and support in my life!  When I was at my lowest this week and reaching out for a reminder of God's support, calling to Him to prove He still cared, I ran into someone in one of the unlikely places that are so characteristic of God's ways.  We talked for a while when out the blue in conversation she said, "This will not last forever.  It will be ok again."  The moment the words were out of her mouth my heart received a lifesaving jolt.  It will be ok again.  It wasn't the feelings of missing Drew that were overwhelming me, but the feeling of sinking into despair.  The feeling that I might have to feel like this forever.  It will be ok again.  I have been reminded to look deeper into life by coming back to the simple - touch and enjoy each touch, smell and smell deeply, feel the wind and the sun on my skin, taste and savor each taste, pause and allow myself to just exist without thinking, and most of all, look for that ray to be thankful for.   Drew provided an unexpected blessing in my life - I want to see those unexpected blessings... I may feel like the sky is gray all day some days, but I want to remember that on the gray days the colors of the grass deepen and the smell of the flowers linger longer.  Thank you God for blessing my life with the gray days, but give me the eyes to see the gifts in them!  I know You better because of these blessings, but I feel I still know You so little.  Please draw me in closer every day and overwhelm me with Your love.

Please continue to pray for Abby in your prayers and for her family, that God will continue to support them and give them guidance.  She may be allowed to go home soon (she has been in the hospital for almost a year now, with only about 5 weeks at home) - please pray it will work out well.

Finally - I have to share a photo suggested my budding photographer.  He has the most interesting angle on life and with a little help he captured this one.
Thanks as always for following our story, you have no idea what a blessing it is to know others care.


Anonymous said...

Your quote, "the gray days the colors of the grass deepen and the smell of the flowers linger longer," is something I never knew. What a wonderful perspective! It has so many meanings - it really made me think. Thank you :)

I'm really happy to hear you guys are home again. Love the photo too.

-Christine M

The John said...

Thanks for the update. I was wondering. Your in our thoughts often.

Marie said...

you all are in our prayers daily. I am so thankful that you are home and hopefully will stay home for a while. I loved the comment that on the gray days that the colors deepen and the smells linger. That is so true- thank you for granting me new perspectives.

I say your budding photographer has some great ideas!

Anonymous said...

I love you Kari and I pray that god sends me a connection when your feeling like that so I might be able to call you and share your hurt. I, like any mother, no matter how old you are would still like to be able to kiss it and make it better. "Potato prayers to you little gral" Love Mom :)

Kerrie said...

You are always in our thoughts and prayers, and we are so happy to hear that you are home again. I love that picture - what a great little photographer he is! I pray that Peyton gets stronger and the pain lessens each day. Take care.

Melinda said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the update! I had heard you were back at home, so was able to praise God for that, but longed for the rich details of your posts. I love Peyton's fighting spirit. What an amazing little boy. And amazing parents to boot! :)
Love to all,

Jen said...

I've been reading your blog since it's first post. I haven't ever commented but I felt that needed to change. Kari, your family is in my thoughts and prayers all the time. And I feel like I know you even though you have only been in my house once, briefly, years ago. I want you to know that I have been focusing my prayers onto your marriage because that is where the Spirit has been leading me. Soon, very soon, the Lord will be using you and Jordan in powerful ways. I just know it!

Brandi said...

hmmm...a world famous photographer, a cutting edge surgeon or a someone's unforgettable nurse...I wonder what your little Peyton will grow up to be?
For now though, I'd say you all deserve just some everyday, nothing new, quiet (as quiet as can be with a 4 year old), normal, at home kinds of days. We're still praying and thinking of you all.