I feel a little like a fly buzzing around frantically. Almost in circles. Perhaps aimlessly, though not in the fly's mind. Flying at that pace until it drops. Then it drops. I think it's survival mode - it's what I go into every time we come home from the hospital and some times it lasts longer than others. It seems like things should be easier now and we should be moving past the idea that we have had to deal with some challenging things, but my mind doesn't know how to sort through this one. Neither Jordan nor I know whether our grief process (over both Drew and the loss of our idyllic future) has been postponed, or abbreviated. It has been a blessing in some ways to have had something to change our focus, as we have poured ourselves into supporting Peyton; however, in other ways, it has been so hard to mix the two groups of emotions, each with their own wear and tear. I think that is partly why I feel like the housefly right now - I don't know where to settle, and what risks settling in one particular spot will bring with it. I think I will just keep flitting about for a bit, until landing seems like a good idea.
We are so glad to be home! There isn't a day that goes by where Peyton doesn't mention at least once or twice how glad he is to be home. He is doing amazingly well - Amazingly well!! I am sure I wouldn't be bouncing (literally bouncing) back the way he is. He had his bowel resection done two weeks ago today and the surgeon said he would be well on his way to recovery and able to resume most activities by 3 weeks, but to hold off on more significant activities until the 4 - 6 week mark. He also said Peyton would know his body best and would slow down if he needed too. Last Tuesday he was zipping around the hospital like he had never been better, and the nurses were just waiting for him to show that he was getting tired. He didn't tire until he hit the bed. He was a little sore the next day, but trying to restrain him that Tuesday would have been like trying to restrain the wind. You try it! By Thursday he was feeling better than he had in months. We spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday outside, trying to clear the cobwebs and basking in the sun. It was wonderful, and even more exhilarating to see Peyton brimming over with life.
Last summer, we promised Peyton that as soon as the snow was gone this spring we would get him a two wheel bike. He never noticed how fast the snow melted before, but he couldn't let any of us not notice it this year! We finally held true to our promise this weekend and he got his bike. He would bring that thing to bed with him if he could. He rode it out the doors of the bike shop and was attached all weekend long. We thought he would get tired, but he just kept going. Today is the only day in the last 4 where he didn't beg nonstop to ride it and that is only because he was sure a tornado was going to hit (strong winds and rain, and a very active imagination). I am sure we will be out and about tomorrow morning! He seems to be recovering very well and hasn't complained of tummy pain or nausea at all since his surgery - Praise God! We hope this will be the end of the complications and that he will not need any more surgeries. The surgeons can't guarantee anything, but they said there is reason to be hopeful right now. I'll take that. Hope is good.
Here are a few shots and a video clip documenting the big day, they made me smile.
Riding the new bike out of the shop.
Can you get that out any faster? Be careful Mom!
Proud new rider
I think this is a rite of passage...
Video clip of Peyton's first official bike ride:
I am still working on trying to get an audio piece posted to add to that story I promised, but I will have to try again when I can think more clearly. Hopefully that won't be weeks from now!!!
Drew - wherever you are tonight baby, I love you forever, and more! I miss you like crazy-crazy! I wish I could give your fuzzy head a kiss tonight and smell your forehead. God, take special care of my Drew tonight. Thanks for blessing my son with the gift of being in your presence and free from these cares.