Monday, November 3, 2008

My two bits... and then some

Once again, I am a little later than I intended in posting this newest post, but I just can't seem to get it together lately! Most of my recent spare moments have been spent tangled up with Peyton (literally - his newest pastime is wrestling!) or catching up with Jordan.  I don't think I will ever look at a spare moment the same again.  I was so close to telling a complete stranger this morning to stop and appreciate her children, and to slow her schedule down long enough to enjoy them.  I had to take Peyton to the Children's Hospital this morning for an eye appointment which was quite a challenging experience as the last time we had both been there was with Drew.  I think we were both aware of the odd feelings it presented and weren't sure how to deal with them.  Both of us were a bit melancholy throughout the experience.  Anyway, as we were leaving there was a mother trying to herd her three children (aged 5-10-ish) out of the hospital.  She was short with them and trying to squelch a disagreement between two of them.  One could fairly easily tell she'd had it with them and was ready to blow a fuse.  I had no ground to make a judgment because I may have reacted the same way if challenged with the same experience, but looking through the glasses I have donned, I just looked at her with sadness that she couldn't see the gift she had.  I was so close to saying, "You are so blessed to have three beautiful children - enjoy every moment with them, even the difficult ones."  I'm not sure how she would have reacted, but it hit me so poignantly at that time that children are such a gift so often overlooked or under-appreciated.  

As we were eating dinner tonight I was loving every minute of Peyton's ramblings and yet yearning for another little one to banter with him at the very same moment.  The thought of my little nephews Landon and Liam (4 and 2 years) interacting with each other made me wish I could sneak up and camp out beside Peyton's door to listen to him interact with someone the same way they must.  What a very special treat.  For my sake, all of those reading who have more than one, sneak up and listen to them every chance you get!  I know fighting comes with the territory and I'm sure I would get fed up with that angle, but how often do you really get to listen to two or more little people sharing their views on the world!??!  I can only imagine the conversations Landon and Liam must have!

I think the reason I wanted so strongly to give my two cents this morning is due to the fact that I used to be that mother racing around on a tight schedule, toting my children along.  I thought I was doing alright as a mother at the time, but looking at it in hindsight, I think I was living MY life, with them in it.  It occurred while searching for memories of Drew that I can remember many outings where I'm sure he was with me, but all I can remember is my mission at the time.  I can't remember him there with me in many of them.  I know he was just a baby and that's just how life has to be sometimes, but my view has changed lately.  I think I will be more inclined to make sure I am aware of Peyton and how he is feeling during our outings.  What is his view of our experience?  Is there something I could do to make it a better experience for him?  My father-in-law taught a really great class at church on Sunday and it really crystalized the thoughts that had been floating through my consciousness, that I need to have less of self and more of others.  In so many of my outings, they were about me - what I needed to get, what I wanted, where I needed to go, what I needed to buy for the kids, you get the point.  I don't think those outings were unnecessary, but my perspective had so much room for improvement!  Peyton lit up my day when we went shopping the other day, and we both had so much fun.  I know not every experience will be like that, but I hope this change in perspective will not be temporary.
I really did mean to post about our trip to Mexico, but this has been so strongly imprinted upon my mind lately that I had to share this thought.

We still covet your prayers as we are still waiting for test results about what type of mitochondrial disease Drew had and whether or not we can have more children or if it could affect anyone else.  Thank you so much for praying!!!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lessons well taught Kari, lessons well taught indeed. I guess I can manage a smile instead of a sigh when Connolly or Keegan fight over "Jesus blood cup" during communion Sunday mornings, lol.

Also wish I had a camera for after service when our boys were standing together with Peyton on the stage. They were hanging out quite "cool" like, look forward to when they are 14, 15 and 16 together!!

I noticed you were particularly emotional after service. And Jordan did an excellent job, again, speaking on behalf of your family. Hugs all around from all of us to all of you!

Steve

Brett, April, Caden & Corban said...

Kari, I've been keeping up with your "life" since Laura sent us the link. I have cried with you and prayed for you many times. I wanted to write this time and say thank you for your perspective. You have a way of writing that clearly shows your thoughts and heart. Thank you for the reminder that ALL moms need to hear about slowing down and loving our children. May God continue to use your circumstances to bless others.
--April (Gillespie) Emerson

Kerrie said...

Kari,

I am always thinking about how you all are doing, thank you for keeping us posted.

I am constantly reminded of what special gifts my boys are, though the days are sometimes hard. Reading your post today is exactly how I have been feeling since sharing your experience - that I really need to slow down and enjoy every moment with them. I have missed out on so much already, and know that if something were to happen, I would have regrets that I didn't enjoy more, listen more, slow down and put their needs ahead of mine sometimes. I have always written little tidbits down, but I do it even more now.

As for giving your two cents, I too think the same thing some days, about others, and about myself. It's amazing how many lives your little Drew has touched and I wanted you to know that you have all changed my life forever. You are an inspiration.

I hope you are all doing well. Think of you every day.

Love,
Kerrie

Anonymous said...

Kari love, There were many moments in your young life you thought I was doing 'mom' things while you kids were playing...confession, I was 'camped out' watching you play and interact. That was also my reason for teaching when I did. Then I could watch you from a distance and not be noticed. I loved and cherished every moment!
Love your Mom, still watching, still cherishing.

laura said...

Kari, thank you so much for allowing us to peek into your hearts' and lives' during this time! And thank you for reminding me that it is my responsibility to work myself into the lives' of my boys not the other way around. Not to say that I don't need to have my own life too, but that these years with them are precious and I can never get them back... And thank you for the idea of writing down things about my boys. My mom journaled to me for years and I just haven't found the time yet to do that for my boys. But at the end of the day I pick up my calendar and in the little square for today I write a special memory of the boys. Thank you for letting me learn through you! Our prayers continue for you all!

Nicola said...

Kari, Thank you for the lessons that you have taught me over the past few months (years really, but certainly most recently). As a fairly new mom, I have definitely found myself doing "me" things, with Maggie simply being there. I've learned though, to enjoy her company during those times (Safeway trips have become our favourite, and I don't mind bringing her anymore), and use our trips as learning opportunities for her, as well as making it time well spent with mom. Every time she starts pushing my buttons, I stop, smile, and thank God that I have her, because I know you would do anything possible in this world to have little Drew push your buttons.

You have made me a better mom, and I thank you for that. Maggie does too.

Thank you also for showing her such love and attention. I know it must be so hard for you somedays, but we appreciate how involved you want to be in her life. She adores you! I don't see her interact with anyone else the way she does with you. You two have a special bond.

I love your family, and am blessed by being a part of it.

Mathews6Pack said...

I think about you guys ALL the time. I had a dream two nights ago that we saw you both and were sad and hugging ya'll over Drew, but we were and laughing together with Peyton and Caden acting silly. I pray that is a sign of happy times to come again. Just had to share.... We love you guys and send a thousand hugs your way.
Misty Mathews

Mom with the best job in the world! said...

You don't know me but your names and situations have been on my lips in prayer. I have read your blog and cried and prayed and my heart sinks a little deeper into the loved ones and little ones in my life.
I so appreciate hearing your thoughts about being a mom and cherishing the time we have and savoring the moments we might consider unimportant or even a burden.
Please keep reminding us. I encourage you to talk to moms like you saw at the hospital. We need your gentle reminder.
Every breath is a gift from God. Each child is a gift from God. It amazes me how our little ones can be so filled with love. I believe it cause they are so filled with God. God is love.
We only get one crack at motherhood. Each moment is fleeting. I try with all I have to hold tightly to those chubby little toddler legs but they slip through my grip like a firm grasp on running water from a tap.
It is work all day long to STOP and enjoy my little guys. Thanks so much for so gently pricking my conscience. Many blessings and God's peace, comfort and healing for you all.
Becky H's twin sister, in Michigan.

Tracy said...

What an amazing perspective that you were able to share with us. I think all moms are guilty of just existing and not living life to the fullest. I know I am. Thank you for your amazing insight.

Melinda said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. I appreciate your insight so recently following the challenges you have faced. I love, pray for, and think of you often.
Melinda

KC said...

Kari, you and your family have been in our prayers so often! Thank you so much for expressing in words what so many of us feel, and for encouraging me, along with so many others, to cherish my children. I can't tell you how often I find myself taking them for granted, only to be reminded later of how precious they are! Again, you are continually in my prayers. In His Love, Kendra

Jim said...

Kari,
Thank you for sharing your journey. I feel very blessed to be able to read and contemplate the things you have shared. Hey, on a happy note, thought you and Jordan would enjoy knowing I have been smoke free for over a year now! Much love to you guys.....Jim